


Awake

by ToTillAGarden



Series: Umbrella Angst [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, its just lup really, other people are mentioned but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTillAGarden/pseuds/ToTillAGarden
Summary: In the Umbra Staff, Lup has a lot of time to think - that is, when she's conscious enough to be able to do so.





	Awake

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!
> 
> I said I'd do some Commitment stuff next and I will, but for now take this - it's not the most angsty thing and its Lup, so you can say I'm branching out!
> 
> Thanks to the discord for making me write again, and to all those lovely people in there who looked this over before I posted it, and for all the amazing people who told me rich text exists because FUCK.
> 
> Enjoy the read <3

~~_i am awake i am power i am awake i am power i am awa-_ ~~

 

_No._

 

_I…. I exist._

 

_~_

 

_What am I?_

 

~~_im the umbra staff_ ~~

 

_No._

 

_Who am I?_

 

~~_i am power-_ ~~

 

_No._

 

_~_

 

_Oh…_

 

_I’m Lup._

 

_~_

 

~~_i am awake-_ ~~

 

_No. I’m Lup. I’m…. I’m an elf._

_I have a brother._

 

_…_

 

_Where is my brother?_

 

_~_

 

_I’m a lich. I’m in the umbra staff._

_Do I…._

_Do I have a body?_

 

~~_no-_ ~~

 

_Yes._

 

_I can feel it._

_I want it._

 

_~_

 

_I can feel my body… How do I use it?_

 

_I… I want to see._

_(it’s dark)_

 

_To feel_

_(i feel nothing)_

 

_To hear._

_(it’s quiet.)_

 

_Can I move?_

 

~~_not yet_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_I… I want to really see. Open my eyes._

 

_…_

 

_Oh._

_So this is what it looks like._

 

_~_

 

_It feels soft. Like curtains._

 

_…_

 

_It sounds like power. Like blood rushing through my veins. Like my head pounding._

 

_~_

 

_Let me move._

 

~~_no-_ ~~

 

_Fine then. I’ll move myself._

 

_~_

 

_I…. I can stand up._

 

_oh shit not anymore i guess fuck don’t let me fall_

 

_~_

 

_I’ve learned to walk again._

_The room’s empty, though. Lots of curtains. Interior design fit for my inner goth, I guess._

 

_I’ve been remembering, too._

_Who I am._

 

_I wonder how long it’s been._

_I wonder if they’re looking for me._

 

_~_

 

_I have so much power in here?_

_Using it inside the room doesn’t even waste slots; the curtains just absorb it and I’ll feel it flowing through my body moments later._

 

_There’s only so much magic practice I can do before it gets boring, though._

 

_~_

 

_Do you think they gave up looking for me?_

 

_Taako wouldn’t. Barry wouldn’t._

 

_None of them would._

 

_But what if they did?_

 

_~_

 

_I’ve started hearing things. Besides the power. Things like…_

_Like drops of water. Or something scurrying outside._

 

_I died in a cave, right?_

 

_…_

 

_I wish I could see it._

 

_~_

 

_Fuck yeah._

 

_…_

 

_Well. This cave room’s more boring than I thought._

 

_~_

 

_Hey yo umbra staff?_

 

_Tell me this._

 

_How long has it fucking been?_

 

_~_

 

_Do you think I can make this thing cast spells?_

 

~~_yes please do become power lose yourself-_ ~~

 

_No thanks._

 

_~_

 

_There’s a voice in the other room._

 

_It sounds a little bit like Taako._

 

_~_

 

_They’re here is this it is it over am i finally getting out of here can i be free-_

 

_Wait._

 

_Do they? Not recognize me?_

 

_Not know each other?_

 

~~_no merle I want taako-_ ~~

 

_They._

 

_I._

 

~~_yes lup lose your sanity become the power you were meant to have-_ ~~

 

_[i can’t think anymore]_

 

_~_

 

_Is that…._

 

_Barry?_

 

_…_

 

_I-_

_I’m right here. In the umbrella. You know it’s mine._

 

_…_

 

_Does he not remember me either?_

 

_~_

 

_Another town lost to the gauntlet._

 

_Maybe I deserve this._

 

_~_

 

_This isn’t my family._

 

_Whatever happened… It’s changed all of them._

 

_~_

 

~~_taako needs help_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_Lucretia knows something. She’s gotten better at hiding things, but I know her too well._

 

_She recognized them. Recognized me._

 

_…_

 

_But if Fisher’s downstairs, and they drank from their ichor - I can’t believe we never did - then what did she- Oh._

 

_…_

 

_I get it now._

 

_~_

 

_If Barry died, in Phandalin…. Then he’d remember._

 

_I hope he remembers._

 

_…_

 

_Hope, huh?_

 

_That’s something I haven’t felt in a long time._

 

_~_

 

_I’ve started to be able to tell time again._

 

_Never taking that for granted anymore._

 

_~_

 

_Taako’s different, without remembering me._

 

_So are all of them - hell, Davenport’s barely even sentient - but Taako’s…. different._

 

_He’s not my twin anymore._

 

_…_

 

_And yet somehow, all of their shenanigans feel the same._

 

_I wonder if this is how Lucretia feels._

 

_~_

 

~~_so will you help your brother-_ ~~

 

_Shut up._

 

_He can cast spells by himself, last time I checked._

 

_~_

 

_A train, huh?_

 

_It’s definitely a lot fucking better than a cave._

 

_~_

 

_Hey! Taako! Be nice to the fucking kid._

 

_~_

 

~~_more power_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_Well._

 

_The clock is officially ticking._

 

_~_

 

_They all look good in red._

 

_~_

 

_I should…._

 

_I should meditate._

 

~~_in case he needs help again_ ~~

 

_~_

 

~~_i got more power_ ~~

 

~~_i can help taako_ ~~

 

~~_just let it all out, lose yourself_ ~~

 

~~_you have power_ ~~

 

~~_use it_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_[im awake again]_

 

_Barry?_

 

_~_

 

_God, I love my boyfriend._

 

_I love him and his inner drama queen and god could you have been any more cryptic??_

 

_What the fuck Barold???_

 

_…_

 

~~_you miss him, don’t you_ ~~

 

~~_miss him so much you feel like breaking at the seams_ ~~

 

_~_

 

~~_you found me too, barry, i’m right here_ ~~

 

~~_no, barry, please, im here, don’t lose it, don’t feel hurt_ ~~

 

~~_BARRY NO-_ ~~

 

_~_

 

~~_taako?_ ~~

 

~~_he dropped me_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_I’m._

 

_Who am I?_

 

~~_you’re the umbra staff_ ~~

 

~~_you exist to help taako_ ~~

 

_Ok. I’m the Umbra Staff._

 

_I exist to help Taako._

 

_Got it._

 

_~_

 

_Wait._

 

_No._

 

_I’m Lup._

 

_[i forgot who i am]_

 

_[i need to get out of here]_

 

~~_[im lup]_ ~~

 

~~_[i need to get out of here]_ ~~

 

~~_[i need to let them know im here]_ ~~

 

~~_[i’ve been waiting for this moment. channeling energy for this moment]_ ~~

 

~~_[i am power]_ ~~

 

~~_[i should use it now]_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_I ruined his macaroons._

 

_~_

 

_Do you think Lucretia noticed it? My name on the wall?_

 

_~_

 

_I’ve missed Taako in a skirt._

 

_He looks good in it._

 

_~_

 

_Mags was always scared his relic would be the most dangerous._

 

_Maybe he was right?_

 

_~_

 

_Barry?_

 

_Barry, it’s okay, they did it, they don’t need to trust you, I’m right here-_

 

~~_barry_ ~~

 

~~_barry whatever you do don’t lose it, please don’t-_ ~~

 

_[lose it]_

 

_…_

 

~~_i’m so sorry_ ~~

 

~~_i trust you_ ~~

 

_~_

 

~~_there’s danger_ ~~

 

_He’s on a date. It’s the grim reaper, but it’s a date._

 

_He hasn’t won the goth wars yet, though. Like hell am I giving up $10 for that one._

 

_…_

 

~~_do something_ ~~

 

_Shut up and let Taako have fun-_

 

~~_no_ ~~

 

~~_he knows i’m here_ ~~

 

~~_i need to fight back_ ~~

 

_~_

 

_Barry said the Animus Bell gave him chills._

 

_I laughed, but I get why now._

 

_…_

 

_We’re still more vogue than these twins will ever be._

 

_~_

 

_[it hurts]_

 

_[how do i help him]_

 

_~_

 

_Magnus can see Barry now._

 

_This’ll all be over soon._

 

_~_

 

~~_[he’s here]_ ~~

 

~~_[is this…. anger? or. bloodlust. or. hunger for power.]_ ~~

 

“Are you the one who’s been hurting my brother out there?”

 

~~_[i can feel the power surging]_ ~~

 

“I’m going to kill you now.”

 

~~_[it hurts]_ ~~

 

~

 

_No…. Taako…._

 

_You used to have trust._

 

_You trusted me. You trusted the crew._

 

_You can trust again-_

 

_[oh i can talk to him]_

 

“Trust Barry, love Barry,”

 

_[the rest will get staticked out i hope this works]_

 

“Trust Barry, love Barry, trust Barry, love Barry,”

 

_[this isn’t working]_

 

“Taako, it’s - it’s me, it’s _~~your sister,~~_ it’s me, trust Barry.”

 

_No, you lovesick baby, I’m not Kravitz._

 

_~_

 

_Barry?_

 

_I tried my best._

 

_It’s all up to you now._

 

_~_

 

~~_you don’t have the energy to talk to taako anymore_ ~~

 

_No._

 

_Magnus deserves his body back._

 

_[i deserve my body back]_

 

_I want to tell him._

 

_~_

 

_It’s over, now._

 

_I just need to wait for Taako to figure it out._

 

_~_

 

_[i'm free]_

 

_[fuck i'm so hyped for this one-liner-]_

 

“You’re dating the _grim reaper?”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking with me all the way through!
> 
> If you need something to comment on: Did the format work for you? (Is the spacing in between lines too big?) Did the content make sense? Did I write Lup well? This was largely experimental, so feel free to give some real critique if you can't think of what to say!
> 
> Otherwise, I'll see you on the flip side - either with commitment fluff or more wild discord ideas!


End file.
